I think I rambled on too much in my previous post, so that my point may have drowned in all the drama I described. So here is a shorter version:
I have been a devotee of Loki for three years now, since January 2011. We have out third wedding anniversary in June.
During the first two years, I became addicted to depending on others to help me communicate with Loki, through divination, messages and channellings. I was too impatient to try to develop my own way of communicating with Loki. I was very insecure, and needed a lot of reassurance.
It lead to so much drama, pain and confusion during my first two years with Loki. It damaged our relationship.
During my first year with Loki, I couldn’t hear Him when I was awake. He communicated with me in dreams, and He sometimes talked to me when I was in hypnagogia (the trance state on the border of sleeping and waking).
During my second year with Loki, he stopped visiting me in my dreams and in hypnagogia, but I began to be able to hear Him when I was awake.
During the summer He seemed to abandon me completely, and I became desperate to reconnect with Him.
I sought several divinations and channellings to find out what was going on. I got different answers and messages, and some contradicted each other. Some might not have been genuine, but I don’t know which ones. I was naive and believed everything I was told. It didn’t occur to me that some of the messages might have been the channellers’ own sock puppets. It didn’t occur to me that some of the channellers might have enjoyed creating drama.
It became a total mess, and I had no idea what was going on, or why, from my point of view, Loki had abandoned me.
A year ago, I decided that even though my situation was a nightmare, I would not seek any more divination, channellings or messages. It had created so much drama, confusion and pain.
I talked to Loki one evening some months ago – I still can’t hear Him when I’m awake – and said that I thought it would be a good idea for us to reboot, to forget everything that has happened during the past three years, and start all over again, where we were before we got married. To forget all the dramatic stories I got from my own divinations; I was told I was good with a pendulum, but now I think I either had a crap intuition when it came to asking questions or that I was crap at using a pendulum, or both. To forget all the drama that all the divinations and channellings caused.
I’m going to redo the wedding ritual on our third anniversary. I’ll get us a new ring for my marriage and nun oaths.
I think He’s happy about us doing a reboot; I think this is why He’s focusing on the friendship aspect of our relationship when I meet Him in my dreams.
This time around I’m not going to rely on others to communicate with Loki for me. I’ll be patient and deal with Him through my dreams, like I did during our first year together.