I’m a Norwegian woman in my late 40s. In my mundane life I’m a librarian and an archivist (with a bachelor in library and information science). I am currently disabled.
I’m an old Norse Faith Pagan, a Forn Sed Heathen, and one of Loki’s mortal spouses.
My Path is that of a mystic. Sacred Queenship is also part of my Path.
I am a devotional polytheist, and not a reconstructionist. Personal gnosis is an important part of my spiritual life.
I’m a hard polytheist, i.e.: I see the Gods as real, distinct, separate individuals – not as archetypes, metaphors or aspects of one great God/Goddess.
Just to make it perfectly clear:
Being one of a God’s mortal spouses does not mean that I’m a speshul snowflake, or that I’m better, or more worthy than other devotees of a Deity.
There are many different types of close, devotional relationships between Gods and mortals; this is just one of them.
What I write about in this blog are my experiences and my beliefs.
I read a lot of mythology as a child. My favourites were Norse, Egyptian and Greek mythology.
Being a Norwegian I also learned about my Viking ancestor’s religious beliefs and culture in school.
In my early teens I tried to be a Christian, and had a Christian Confirmation. As I studied Christianity for the preparation to the Confirmation, I found nothing that really resonated with my heart in this religion.
After my Confirmation, I became an atheist. I also became a feminist, and kneeling to a patriarchal deity didn’t feel right.
In my early 20s, I became interested in paganism and magick. I read about several paths, and began to worship the Goddess, which fit with my feminist POV. I believed that all deities were just facets of one Divine Force. I was drawn to Egyptian myths, and set up an altar where I honoured Bast and Sekhmet. I only had a couple of paranormal experiences, though, and none I can call spiritual. I tried to do some magick rituals and spells, but as far as I could see, nothing worked at all, so I gave up on it.
In my 30s, I became a pagan agnostic. Which is kind of funny, since I had my first paranormal experience when I was 31, back in 1997. I half woke one morning and noticed that a man was lying against my back, with his arm around my waist. This was physically impossible, as my bed was very narrow and there wasn’t room enough behind me for someone else. I thought: “oh, that’s nice”, and fell asleep again. This entity would continue to visit me at random, holding me as I was balancing between being asleep and awake. He never spoke to me, though, or visited me in my dreams.
In my early 40s, I was very into the “Supernatural” fandom, and one of the characters on that show was a Trickster God – who turned out to be the archangel Gabriel in disguise who turned out to have been pretending to be Loki. I read a lot of fan-fiction about this character, and then began to re-read all the old Norse myths about Loki to find inspiration to write a few fan-fictions myself.
During the autumn of 2010 when I was 44, I, an agnostic, suddenly began to wonder if I had a patron or matron deity. Someone who could help me change my life, as I felt stuck and uninspired. Now it seems like it was Loki giving me a subtle push.
One night I prayed to the Divine, asking if I had a matron or patron deity, and if She/He was willing to contact me and work with me. Then I prayed to Loki in particular, an informal prayer going something like “Hi, You’re my favourite deity, and I would like to work with You. Would You like to work with me?” To me, Loki represented change.
Some days later, Loki began to show up in my dreams; He had accepted my invitation.
I wasn’t sure He was my Patron until He Claimed me as His, which He did in a dream visit in January 2011. I fell in love with Him then.
It wasn’t until He Claimed me that I realised He had been with me since 1997, as what I just called “The Presence in my bed”.
In February 2011 Loki told me He wanted us to get married. My response? (After first having asked if He was serious, like really really serious, and not joking; I had never heard about godspouses back then.) “OK!” Of course I didn’t say “no”; I was very much in love.
In June 2011 I gave Loki a marriage oath and nun vows. At the time I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I do not regret it, though, even though it has been a difficult and very bumpy journey so far.
So, before Loki appeared, I was a pagan agnostic and a theoretical soft polytheist..
Suddenly finding out that Gods are real and individual beings was a major paradigm shift.
This journal is one of the ways I’m trying to adjust; by writing things down.
One of my major interests have always been dreams. I’ve always had dreams which I remember vividly. Dreams can be used as tools, for things like confronting fears and learning about yourself.
People in different cultures have for thousands of years believed that the Gods communicate with mortals through dreams.
I believe that, too, and it is indeed my experience that it is so.
I can be contacted at: darkamber [at] darkamber [dot] net