Why marriage?

I have wondered for over a decade why Loki wanted us to get married.
He came into my life in December 2011, via dreams. In February 2012 He told me in dreams three nights in a row that He wanted us to get married, and mentioned in August. I was already in love with Him so I agreed. I did my preparations for a wedding ceremony. I bought jewelry and a dress, a heart shaped box with room for three tea candles, and a small, heart shaped box to store his wedding ring in on His altar. I ordered matching claddagh wedding rings. I wrote my wedding oath. I was finished by early June. Loki asked me then in hypnogogia (that deep trance like state between sleeping and waking) if we could be married in June. We agreed on Saturday 25th June.
On the wedding day I bought cake and made a meal, which I shared with Him. I knelt in front of His altar, lit three candles and said my three-part oath to Him. He only made one comment: “You can cook!”

I seem to be the odd one out in the godspouse community. My marriage has never been romantic or sexual.
I wanted to have sex with Loki, but it never happened, not even in dreams. After I hit menopause six years ago, I became asexual and sex repulsed, so it didn’t matter anymore.

I was only able to communicate with Loki in hypnogogia during our first year together. He also often visited me in my dreams.
In late November 2012 I had a psychotic breakdown caused by extreme sleep deprivation. I was put on antipsychotics. I’m still on two types of antipsychotics. I haven’t been able to experience hypnogogia after I was put on the meds. After 2011, Loki only visited me in my dreams a couple of times a year.
I had auditory hallucinations while I was psychotic.I still hear a voice in my head that is not Loki, when I don’t have an external focus.
I think the antipsychotics are blocking my medium abilities.

Loki has never asked anything of me. I’ve never worked with Him. I had no idea why He wanted us to get married.
Late last year I talked to a Lokean godspouse, Nicole. She has a godphone and do divinations. I asked her if she could ask Loki why He wanted to marry me, and what He wanted with me. She said that He wanted to marry me because He loves me, and that all He wants of me is for me to be happy.
She also mentioned that deities sometimes marry mortals to change their wyrd. I asked her if that was the case with me, and she said that Loki wanted to marry me to protect me form deities and spirits who would otherwise demand I work for them. He wanted me to be able to choose who I worked for, to have free will. That protection seems superfluous, since I no longer can hear deities or spirits.
I asked her to ask Loki if He could visit my dreams a bit more, and she said that He said He would try. He did visit my dreams four times in 2021, which I’m grateful for.

It’s a strange marriage. It’s so distant, with so few dream visits and no godphone. I’m still very fond of Loki, and I give Him offerings once a week. I’m no longer in love with Him, though.

Do you know of any other god- or spiritspouse with an asexual marriage?


About Amber Drake

AKA Darkamber.
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1 Response to Why marriage?

  1. O.L.P. says:

    I do! There’s a godspousing discord server, and there’s quite a few asexual folks there.

    I’ve also experienced psychosis and hallucinations induced by insomnia. It was pretty much the worst. So, I can relate to you.

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