TPE – Fire

“What ignites your passionate fires? What fuels your spiritual fires? What rages in fire’s destructive wake within you? And, what has healed from the cauterizing flames? How do you honor fire? How will you embrace its transformative powers?”

I’ve always been drawn to fire, since I was a little child. I’ve always been fascinated by how fire could be constructive, like burning fire wood to warm a house, and destructive, by burning a house down.
Astrologically speaking I’m an Aries, a fire sign. In the Chinese Zodiac, I’m a fire horse. I’ve always been drawn to fire as my element.

One passion of mine is arts and crafts and poetry. I love drawing and painting. I wrote a lot of poetry when I was in my 20s and early 30s.
I studied basic arts and crafts for two years, in between college and university college, and after. The year I studied arts and crafts after university college were one of the best years of my life.

When I was younger, I burned with passion for several causes. I was active politically and followed the news. I burned for human rights and animal rights, and environmentalism. I participated in marches, and wrote letters for Amnesty.
I had this rage burning in me. I was so angry at all the inequality, prejudice and bigotry in the world, at all the atrocities humans committed against each other and animals and the planet.
I burned too intensely, and I burned out. I got a major depression that lasted for a few years.
I had to learn to not care so intensely about what happened in the world around me, for the sake of my own mental health.

When Loki entered my life (that is, when He showed Himself to me in dreams and let me know who He was; I knew Him as my spirit companion for years before that), He ignited a fire within me. My feelings for Him escalated quickly from friendly to passionately in love with Him. I guess it was mutual, because about two months after He first visited me in a dream, He told me He wanted us to get married in August. I said yes immediately. I didn’t need any time to think about it. I was finished preparing for the ceremony at the beginning of June, and Loki asked me if we could get married next week, on Saturday the 25th. So, yeah, things escalated quickly.
Later I read a lot of people recommending that you should take it slow and get to know your Patron/Matron deity before marrying Them, but it felt like I had known Loki for years, and He had indeed been with me since 1997, although He never spoke to me or visited my dreams that I knew of, before I invited Him in, in November 2010.

I’ve been through a “trial by fire”, an ordeal, after I did the devotional week of fasting, meditation and sleep deprivation in October 2012. I began to hear Loki again, and after a week He asked me if I wanted to know what it was like to be a spirit worker. I said yes, and Loki opened me up so much that I lost control over the influx of voices that washed over me.
Suddenly hearing spirits, who never shut up, was too much for me and caused a serious mental breakdown, which seems to have triggered a schizoaffective disorder. I’m still hearing the rhythmic voice, which claims to be Loki. It is very persistent. I don’t believe that it is Loki.
I felt like embracing Loki was to embrace fire; I was burnt to the ground and had to rebuild myself again.
I realised that some pieces were missing, and others I didn’t need any more. I was able to let go of a lot of old pain, anger and grief. I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. I am much more content and happy now, than I was.
Embracing Loki is to embrace change. My current Work is to continue to change and be content with my life and myself. I hope I have become a better person than I was. There was a lot of anger and bitterness in me back in 2012. I feel that I have been able to let go of that.

http://thepaganexperience.com

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About Amber Drake

AKA Darkamber.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to TPE – Fire

  1. moonfire2012 says:

    I’m happy you’ve come through that Amber, and you know I had my own trial by fire that I’ve come through. I also, had a lot of anger and bitterness(with intense longing) back in 2012 before things started developing. Like you, I feel a lot better and more at peace now, except for earthly problems. At least the spiritual ones have mostly been resolved. We’ve both been through a lot and I applaud you for being strong and not giving up.

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