I had a very close relationship with Loki, and also Fenrir in the first half of 2012. I was also building a relationship with Freyr.
Then, in May, They seemed to suddenly abandon me.
Fenrir had in April, I think it was, asked my Disir for my hand, and my Disir said I was a Queen, so I could have Consorts in addition to my Husband, Loki. Loki said He was very happy about me bonding with Fenrir, for my protection among other things.
I told Them I accepted Fenrir’s propsal in May, and the next day They were just gone.
At first I became very angry; I thought I had been tricked into saying yes to Fenrir. I declared to my gods and my Disir that I took back my yes to Fenrir, because I had been tricked. Then I became afraid that I had somehow displeased Loki by saying yes to Fenrir, I was afraid that I had done something wrong, that I had failed a test, and that was why They abandoned me.
In August, I thought Loki harassed me. He sent unpleasant sexual energies into my root chakra, almost constantly, for days. I told Him to stop, then I begged Him to stop, then I declared to Him and my Disir that I wanted a separation, because He didn’t respect me, and then it stopped.
This has haunted and worried me ever since.
First of all I learned that I hadn’t done anything wrong; Loki wasn’t displeased or angry with me. What happened had not been my fault.
There had been fighting against malevolent outsiders in Jotunheim in 2012, and Loki and Fenrir had been busy fighting. Fenrir had been badly hurt, and that was why I lost contact with Him. I guess Loki had been too busy to spend time with me at that time.
Also, I was being preyed upon by a malevolent entity, who blocked me from my gods.
I was harassed by malevolent entities three times during 2012. I should have recognised that I was being harassed again by a malevolent entity, when it happened for the third time in August. As I said, it stopped when I declared I wanted a separation from Loki. I guess the malevolent entity was happy that it had driven a wedge between Loki and I.
I became very depressed after that, and depression can block our contact with our gods.
Then I did the week of mediation, fasting and sleep deprivation. I began to hear spirits talking to me and it was too much and I broke. I think being opened that much and breaking triggered a psychotic episode. I think it was a combination of hearing spirits and being mentally ill.
I asked Nornoriel to ask Loki why I am still blocked, why Loki hasn’t begun bonding sessions with me again, and Loki said that there are mental health obstacles. Also, my meds may contribute to the blocking. Between that and the feeling that I’ve failed Him, or angered Him has created a block. This is not something Loki blames me for and He is not upset with me in any way.
If the meds contribute to the blockage, I’ll have to be very patient. I’ll have to have been free from the rhythmic voice in my head for about a year before I can begin to reduce the meds.
Loki wants me to “keep the fire burning”; He wants me to set aside time with him each day and see what happens, to act like He’s here and I’m directly interacting with Him, even if I can’t see or feel anything. He’s still very much here and very interested, and He seems to have faith that the blockage will be at least partially resolved with time.
Loki also cautions me not to be hard on myself, to be patient, give it time, and remember that this isn’t my fault, and it isn’t any sort of displeasure or anger on His part.