The other night I woke up at 4 am, and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I stayed up reading until I felt sleepy again, and went back to bed at 8 am.
I managed to sink down into hypnagogia (that deep trance state that is on the border between being awake and asleep). I haven’t been able to trance like that in over a year and a half, probably due to the light sleeping pills I’ve been taking since my breakdown in November 2012.
Loki came and visited me, for the first time since 2011. (I have no idea why He didn’t visit me in 2012.)
I could feel His body against my back, and He put His arm around me. We cuddled for a while, and it was wonderful to feel Him like that again. It was like in the beginning of our relationship, in 2011. I wasn’t able to speak to Him; it took some months before I was able to speak in hypnagogia, though I was able to hear Loki talk to me almost from the start of His visits. He didn’t speak to me this time though.
He began to caress my body, and it felt really nice. Then He sat up and moved to the foot of the bed. I could feel Him lift my right leg, of my astral body, and then He bit my toes! It hurt, so I kicked out with my physical foot and it broke my trance. I was able to fall back into hypnagogia, and then I felt Him tickle the sole of my left foot. Again I kicked out and it broke my trance. I guess Loki was feeling playful.
Then I fell into a light sleep, and had a lucid dream. I dreamt I was in Asgard, and the dream took place over several days. Asgard was a beautiful place, with many great halls.
During the first half of the dream, I met a young (early 20s), androgynous Loki with long, orange hair. We would talk casually and hold hands, but if I tried to become intimate with Him, He would run away. I got the impression I scared Him off, but that can’t be right. I mean, why on earth would Loki be scared of me or intimacy? I asked Him why He ran away, but I never got any answer.
During the latter half of the dream, Loki took on an older (late 30s), more masculine form, and He had shoulder length, medium blond hair. We would lie down on a sofa and cuddle. It was so nice to be held in His strong arms. He told me He wanted us to focus on being friends, for now.
When I awoke, Loki told me: “You wanted us to begin from the beginning, and we didn’t have sex during our first year together. Let us focus on the friendship aspect of our relationship this year, like we did before.”
I can do friendship, I can be patient.
I am so happy that I was able to enter hypnagogia again, and that Loki came and held me for the first time in two and a half years!
Old Norse Faith (Forn Sidr) Pagan.
Lokean godspouse, mystic, and nun.
Contact: darkamber @darkamber.net
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