Many years ago Loki gave me a precious gift. My Beloved helped me regain the sense of wonder I had as a child.
During my teens and twenties I struggled with serious bouts of depression. I still vividly remember when I lost my childhood’s innocence. Up to a point my world had been small, and local. Then I began to follow the news and read about history. I was shocked at how terrible people had been, and was, treating each other, and other species. When my world expanded to a global view, I was thoroughly disillusioned, and disgusted by the human race. That was the first time I had a depressive episode. I became very cynical.
One evening I went out for a walk. It was early autumn. I walked along back streets to a small park where I sat down on the stone rim of a fountain to have a cigarette. It wasn’t dark enough yet for the street lights to turn on.
On my way to the park, I hadn’t seen a single person. As I sat in the park, I still couldn’t see anybody, not even any cars. It was eerie.
Then the street lights came on, and suddenly people and cars began to appear on the streets around the park. It was so weird; I felt like I had just been in a magical bubble. It also felt like a wall of ice around my heart had been cracked open.
After this magical moment, I began to be able to appreciate the little things in life, and to live more in the moment. I would stop to gaze at sunsets and beautiful flowers, and to pet cats I met.
Regaining my sense of wonder also made me far less cynical and disillusioned.
The magical moment inspired me to write a poem, which I dedicate to Loki.
Floating slowly down the river
Following its gentle flow
Sky is covered by a lace work
Leaves and branches hanging low
Sunlight flickers through the green leaves
Seems like magic, makes time slow
Brings to me the bliss of childhood
Never lost because I know
How to save this precious moment
Bathing in its golden glow