Loki has told me I have a parasite. It’s what He called The Saboteur.
I thought it was something from a past life, because that is what Loki told me 2 1/2 years ago, but now He has told me that it stems from this life. This is what He has told me:
I have a very dark side, and I’ve denied it for decades, because I want to be a good and kind person. So I have suppressed my dark side and it’s become part of my Shadow self. Through decades of denial this part of my Shadow has evolved into a thought form, an egregore, and it’s become like a parasite.
Loki told me The Saboteur stemmed from a past life, because I wasn’t ready to face the darkness of my Shadow self.
Loki has been working on removing this parasite for 2 1/2 years, through spiritual/psychic surgery. It has deep roots in me, in both my mind and my astral body, in my chakras, so it’s difficult to remove, and it’s a slow process.
A little over 2 years ago, Loki would help me reach a deep trance, and then He would work on removing the parasite. The process affected me mentally. In trance I would see nauseating visions of horrible violence done on shadowlike people.
The process sometimes triggered horrible nightmares, bouts of depressions, and fits of rage. This resulted in me blocking myself again, so I lost the ability to hear Loki.
Then Loki decided that He would need to break me open to be able to continue His work on removing the parasite. That is why He told me to fast and not sleep for a week, which lead to a major mental breakdown. He felt terrible about seeing me suffer, but it was necessary. It was also a part of the process of opening me up again, so I could hear Him.
Loki did some major work on my chakras, and removing the parasite’s roots recently. It triggered a depression, and also an intense feeling of instability and anxiety. It was awful.
Yesterday Loki told me to go and lie down, and to imagine that He was lying next to me, with His arm around my waist. He told me to trust Him, that He would help me feel safe again.
As I lay there in my bed, I could feel the warmth of His presence surround me. I fell asleep for a few hours, which I’m not usually able to do in the middle of the day.
I felt calmer and more stable again when I woke up.
I went to bed early, and again imagined that Loki was holding me, and I could feel His presence.
Today I feel much better again. The depression has mostly lifted.
Loki told to me that these emotions are an unfortunate side-effect of the spiritual/psychic surgery.
He said to me to remember that when I feel bad, I can turn to Him and ask for His help.
He really doesn’t like seeing any of His people suffer in any way.