I used to be able to achieve ecstatic trances with Loki, before I got ill. In these trances I had several visions and visits to other planes. This is one of my visions and visits.
I found myself in a large, murkily lit room that looked like a pub, or the ground floor of an ancient inn. The wood in the walls and roof and furniture was dark. As was often the case in these visions, I seemed to be almost colour blind. The light in the room came from no specific sources.
A group of women stood in front of me. I knew they were some of my Disir, my holy foremothers. I wasn’t sure if I was in a room in Helheim, or if the meeting took place on a demi-plane.
On my left, I saw Hel Herself standing in a regal pose. She held out Her arms to me, and I went to Her and took them in mine. Her right side was that of a beautiful woman with pale skin and black hair, while Her left side was mummified, like a corpse will look after having been freeze dried above ground during winter. I thanked Her for allowing me to meet my Disir. She was curious and asked me if I found her ugly. I studied Her and said honestly that I thought She looked exotic; She wasn’t ugly to my eyes.
I then turned back to my Disir. They wanted to talk to me a bit about ongoing bridal negotiations and suitors. I told them I only wanted Loki as my Husband. They said I didn’t have to choose either/or, I could choose to have my suitors as my Consorts. I found that puzzling; shouldn’t I be the one to be a consort? They answered that I was a queen, and that I therefore could have Consorts. It wasn’t the first, nor the last time some of my Disir told me I was a queen. I still feel uncomfortable in the role as a queen. I still don’t know what my path of sacred queenship consists of. I’m not serving anyone, yet, or doing any Work…
Anyway, one of my suitors had asked for my hand, the other had asked for permission to court me. This wasn’t the first round of negotiations, either. I finally agreed to permit these suitors to court me. Little did I know this would lead to a whole lot of misunderstandings and a mess which still, after over a year, hasn’t been sorted out. But that is another story…
After I had talked with my Disir, one of them said that there were several people who wanted to see me. They stood aside, and some people who I had only vaguely seen in the background stepped forward. They were my relatively recently dead family. My paternal grandmother and her parents who I had met, and my grandmother’s mother’s father who I had heard a lot about, but never met before he died. I also saw my mother’s parents, who I loved dearly, and my biological grandfather, who died when my mother was little. I was happy to see them, and they were happy to see me. I cried a little bit, and said I missed them, and they hugged me. My mother’s biological father was so happy to be able to meet me for the first time; he wore a huge, sunny smile on his face.
Then they stepped back and disappeared in the shadows of the large room.
I then became aware of an old man sitting at a table at the back of the room. He wore an ancient style kilt. He had red hair and beard, and was smoking a crooked long pipe. A tankard of ale stood in front of him on the table. I was given to understand that this was one of my Scottish ancestors, called “Old Angus”. I thought he was one of my Alfar, my holy forefathers, but what I heard in my head was that he was a “token male Disir”. I have never before even heard of such a thing!
I went to him. He took his pipe out of his mouth and told me a dirty joke, and then he cackled. I got the impression that he was a sly, old fox. He quaffed some ale and then made some intimate suggestions about what I could do with Loki, poking me with his pipe for emphasis. I told him he and Loki would probably get along fabulously. He nodded and cackled at that, his eyes glinting mischievously.
My Disir came up to the table and said it was time for them to go. They went out of a door in the back. Old Angus went last, reluctantly. He poked his head into the room again, and said he wouldn’t mind staying to get a peek of my private time with Loki. One of the Disir grabbed hold of him and dragged him out the door. Such a wonderfully dirty and mischievous old fellow!