I feel like I’m floundering in a permanent state of confusion.
After my major breakdown last November, I feel like I have broken into many pieces, and that some have been lost. I don’t know who I am any more.
I’m trapped in my own head and body; I’m not able to trance when I try to meditate any more. Daily meditations were a central part of my devotional practise, and now I don’t have that any more.
I used to always remember my dreams, and Loki used to visit them. Now it’s very rare for me to remember anything but tiny fragments and Loki doesn’t appear in them any more.
I speak with Loki every day, throughout the day, but sometimes I wonder if it’s actually Him, or if I’m just imagining the voice in my head, that it’s just a part of myself I’m hearing. On the other hand, if I ask Him to touch me to help me figure out if I’m actually hearing Him, He brushes His fingers over my my hair and my forehead.
I feel like I took four steps forward in my spiritual progress, then at least five steps back with the breakdown.
Have any of you experienced feeling trapped and confused, and unable to figure out what to do?
Old Norse Faith (Forn Sidr) Pagan.
Lokean godspouse, mystic, and nun.
Contact: darkamber @darkamber.net
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