I wish I was able to begin blogging about spiritual stuff again, but I feel I have lost the ability to do so in any interesting or meaningful way. So, bear with me as I ramble on a bit.
I very rarely have any interactions with Loki anymore, and none that I feel would be of interest to anyone but me. I feel He is with me each day, but He has stepped into the background while I focus on healing and recovering from my breakdown last November.
I read a lot about psychology (mainly cognitive behavioural therapy) to find ways to help myself (in addition to therapy), and there are four things I have found very important to focus and meditate on each day: living with mindfulness, gratefulness, self-compassion and patience.
I remind myself to live in the present; to not brood on the past or worry too much about the future. Worrying about the future is most difficult not to do, since I will have to apply for disability in a few months. I have a bipolar 2 disorder, and as things are now, struggling with depression, I won’t be fit for having a job in the near future. So it’s very important for me to remind myself to stay in the present, and take it one day at a time.
I remind myself to work on changing my point of view. Instead of looking at the best I have been and compare it to now and get depressed over it, I look at the most ill I have been and see the progress I have made. I have made huge progress since my breakdown.
I remind myself to try and not criticise or judge myself too harshly.
I tell myself to stop beating myself up over my stupidity of depriving myself of sleep, which led to the beginning of the voice hearing. No-one could have known it would trigger voice hearing; sometimes Shit Just Happens. It would seem, according to what Loki has told me via a few of His people, that it became an accidental Initiation, but that is another story, and one that is yet rather vague.
When I go to bed I take a little while to list things I’m grateful for in my life.
The main things I’m grateful for in my life is my Beloved Loki, and my fantastically supportive mother.
And through it all, I remind myself to be patient. Testing out different types of medication to help against voice hearing and depression takes time. Working on changing old thought patterns take time.
Things Take Time. Also “be gentle with yourself as you are changing” as I read somewhere, which I think is important to remember.
Last but not least, I remind myself to not take myself too seriously. Being able to laugh at myself and to step outside of my situation and find humour in it is an important part of my recovery process, I think.