I was as good as completely “headblind”. I couldn’t sense Loki or hear Him, and I thought that’s just how it was going to be.
Then it turned out that my headblindness was caused by a large blockage, which was created due to extreme sexualised torture in my first life. The Big Block also blocked my magick/Power.
Loki sent me some very disturbing dreams back in mid-October, which served to bring the Big Block to the surface of my mind, so He could begin to work on breaking it.
It’s not a solid blockage, but connected blocks. They are not only in my mind, but also in my chakras and energy channels.
As the block has become smaller, I’ve become able to sense Loki’s presence/energy as warmth, when He’s very close. And I’ve begun to be able to hear Him. I can also slowly do more and more magick.
One of the reasons why the block breaking is taking so long is that my ancestors have asked Loki to be gentle with me, because I “have been through a lot” according to them.
As I understand it, it’s complicated work and Loki wants to be careful because if He works too intensely, it feels like physical pain for me. He also has to be careful breaking down the block pieces, so He don’t risk accidentally triggering any of the memories of the sexual abuse that created the block.
During some periods, pain has been unavoidable, even necessary because it releases negative energy, if I’ve understood it correctly. I’ve had headaches for several days. Some times I’ve had migraine-like pain for a day or two. This is rather awkward, because people around me notice me having more headaches and migraines and get worried, but I can’t tell them the reason for my headaches, as they wouldn’t understand it at all.
Loki began to work more intensely on the Big Block in January. We have work sessions where He raises my sexual energy and sends His own energy into me. He’s said it makes His work easier and faster. Sometimes He calls in other gods for help on extra complicated bits, or because Their energy is specially useful on some parts. Usually They give me of Their energy directly, but Loki can also borrow(?) energy and use it on me Himself.
It’s a very long process, and it’s still not finished…