Waiting for the big breakthrough…

Five and a half weeks ago Loki began to work a lot on removing the Big Block.
He did something new; He began to raise my sexual energy, and use it in his work on me. Maybe it did His work easier? I don’t know. I do know though that sexual energy can be transformed into other kinds of energy, like healing energy.
Beside chipping away at the block, He has also been giving me strength to endure – I guess He meant endure whatever traumatic memories that created the block in the first place.

This is the middle of the sixth week, and it’s maddeningly frustrating. We usually have three energy raising session each day, each session lasting at least an hour, lately sometimes two. And Loki’s using what has to be my least favourite sex magick technique: orgasm denial. He won’t even let me orgasm on my own either.
Five and a half weeks!
I think He might be using this technique because you slip rather quickly into a trance state where you don’t really notice time passing, which means that He can continue to raise my energy for quite a while.
If I had noticed time passing, I would have become impatient and told Him: “If you don’t let me come now, I’m going to get up and go play Farmville…”

A couple of weeks ago – or was it last week? – I finally admitted to my mentor that I had a really hard time believing in magick. I felt part embarrassed, part ashamed – I reckoned that someone as advanced as she is in this pagan and magick stuff, has no problems believing that magick actually exists/works.
I did absolutely not believe in magick before Loki, and I was very sceptical about psychic and astral stuff.
And then Loki tells us that my disbelief in magick was giving Him a lot of extra work, and made breaking through the block take longer. My disbelief kept piling on crap that He had to keep shovelling away, to get at the block…
I said that it was difficult to believe in something completely intangible, that I had never done, seen or seen any result of.
“But you have done magick!” my mentor said.
“What? When?”
“When you did the meditation visualisation on The Fool, and travelled to a demi plane and spoke to Loki!”
“But you said that was astral work??”
“It is also magick.”
Me: *headdesk*
This is a typical example of me lacking basic knowledge of this new reality I find myself in.

So, I began to work on my own attitude. I told myself firmly, several times a day: “I have done magick, therefore magick is real”.
A couple of days later, I talked to my mentor, and I wondered if me working on my belief had any effect yet. Loki said that because I had worked on believing, He had managed to get most of my “roots” out of the block, and that he had “replanted them in more fertile soil”. I’m not exactly sure what these roots are, but it has to do with my bond with Loki.
I was really glad that I had actually managed to contribute with something. 🙂

The intimacy of raising sexual energy also strengthens the bond between us.
I can “feel” Him a lot more now than five weeks ago, both when it comes to feeling heat when He’s close and feeling being touched. I can feel a light brush against my skin, or a tingling on my lips.
I think that the energy raising has awakened the kundalini, the energy “snake” that sleeps coiled at the base of you spine (or was it in the root chakra?), and that it has pierced my chakras. I found a description of what it feels like when chakras are pierced, and the different symptoms you can experience. It matched what I had felt.
I think that the bonding and the awakening of the chakras is what has enabled me to feel the bond between Loki and me in my heart chakra. Sometimes there’s a tugging sensation. Other times it feels like a little bat fluttering inside it.

Monday last week I dreamt that the block was crushed. It was sheer agony, but it didn’t last long, and I clung to Loki in the dream.
Since nothing seemed different, I thought maybe it was just a dream, but I asked Loki via my mentor to be sure. Turns out it wasn’t “just” a dream. Loki called it a “dress rehearsal”. I wonder how long it is until the “première”, then.
There has been one change after Monday, though: I’m able to remember my dreams vividly and in great detail, which I haven’t done in months.


About Amber Drake

AKA Darkamber.
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One Response to Waiting for the big breakthrough…

  1. *Snort* I’ve seen Loki’s Bitchface when I decided to play a game and try to ignore Him. It is not pretty. Come to think of it, that might be why my lappy’s screen is dead…

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