Loki

I’ve been reading quite a bit about Northern Tradition paganism and other’s experiences with Loki.
I see mentioned a lot that Loki is very present in the lives of those who have him as a patron or primary deity, and that he talks a lot to them.

I haven’t “heard” anything from him in almost a month, not since that triple wedding dream thing.
I feel that he’s around more often than not, but he hasn’t visited my dreams or said anything to me since then.
I wonder why he’s being so silent around me. Is he testing the seriousness of my devotion, the strength of my faith, my patience? I don’t know. Sometimes I get the feeling that he’s waiting for something, but I don’t know what.

I continue as usual: pray/chat to him every evening (and often a few comments during the day), light a candle on his altar every evening and give him offerings once or twice a week.

Last night something weird happened.
The few times I’ve clearly heard voices during hypnagogia, it sounds like someone else’s voice, and as if they’re outside of my head, like I’m actually hearing it with my ears.
So, last night I was talking to Loki (in my mind) and I asked him if he had any opinions on something special I’m thinking about (I was hoping that maybe he’d break the silence and visit me in my dreams). Suddenly I hear this voice – it sounded like it was coming from the back of my mind and a little more distant than my own inner voice. It sounded exactly like my own inner voice, though, but it made a completely unexpected and rude comment to what I had just “said”! It was (translated from Norwegian) something like: “I don’t give a shit about what you’re doing!”
I was really baffled. Where the hell did that come from?! Was that really a part of me being so rude?
I’ve never experienced suddenly hearing my own inner voice make a completely unexpected comment before.
Did that voice actually come from me?
Was it Loki using my own inner voice for some weird reason? If it was him, why was he so rude and snarky? Have I pissed him off somehow? Or was he just in a bad mood?
I’m not sure what went on there.

A trickster deity like Loki is definitely not easy to deal with. It’s confusing, baffling, puzzling, frustrating.
But he’s also given sensible advice and comfort, and he inspires me to study and think a lot.

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About Amber Drake

AKA Darkamber.
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3 Responses to Loki

  1. ka_atis says:

    I have no idea but here are some thoughts. I may be completely wrong but anyhow –
    -It may be just random, which is chaos and inpredictability at it’s best.
    -Is it like that you have been “following” him, spending much time and thoughts on this and only little on other things? Maybe it’s your subconsciousness, him or both telling you that it would be a good idea to focus on something else for a while.
    -have things in your life become more regular lately, as in – nothing really new happened? It may sound rude, but maybe he is bored with what happens right now..?
    “and he inspires me to study and think a lot.”
    Maybe you are in the middle of this? Something needs to happen, maybe you need to discover something on your own before it’s time to meet again?
    Whatever it is, maybe the best to do is to not worry about it. Go on with whatever you are interested in. He may stop by again for a beer or two sometime later again, whenever that might be.

    • darkamber says:

      -It may be just random, which is chaos and inpredictability at it’s best.
      Well, it could just be random, but it’s the first time I’ve ever experienced an inner voice sounding like my own speaking up independently and so clearly, saying something completely unexpected.
      -Is it like that you have been “following” him, spending much time and thoughts on this and only little on other things? Maybe it’s your subconsciousness, him or both telling you that it would be a good idea to focus on something else for a while.
      Well, my focus hasn’t solely been on Loki.
      I spend time learning about the Northern tradition, meditation, keeping up with the news of what’s happening in the world, and in fandom, and with friends both online and offline.
      -have things in your life become more regular lately, as in – nothing really new happened? It may sound rude, but maybe he is bored with what happens right now..?
      Heh, what with the surgery and the post op complications, things haven’t exactly been regular and boring.
      Maybe you are in the middle of this? Something needs to happen, maybe you need to discover something on your own before it’s time to meet again?
      It seems to be something like this.
      Oh, I don’t worry – I’m not usually prone to worrying – I’m just trying to understand what’s going on.

      • ka_atis says:

        If I would have to guess, I think it sounds like a “It’s not time yet”-thing.
        “Heh, what with the surgery and the post op complications, things haven’t exactly been regular and boring.”
        That part is definitely not boring, not for you and not for me either (please keep us updated on how things are going).
        I cannot say anything about how he views it though, maybe he is waiting for something? 😉

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