I’ve been reading quite a bit about Northern Tradition paganism and other’s experiences with Loki.
I see mentioned a lot that Loki is very present in the lives of those who have him as a patron or primary deity, and that he talks a lot to them.
I haven’t “heard” anything from him in almost a month, not since that triple wedding dream thing.
I feel that he’s around more often than not, but he hasn’t visited my dreams or said anything to me since then.
I wonder why he’s being so silent around me. Is he testing the seriousness of my devotion, the strength of my faith, my patience? I don’t know. Sometimes I get the feeling that he’s waiting for something, but I don’t know what.
I continue as usual: pray/chat to him every evening (and often a few comments during the day), light a candle on his altar every evening and give him offerings once or twice a week.
Last night something weird happened.
The few times I’ve clearly heard voices during hypnagogia, it sounds like someone else’s voice, and as if they’re outside of my head, like I’m actually hearing it with my ears.
So, last night I was talking to Loki (in my mind) and I asked him if he had any opinions on something special I’m thinking about (I was hoping that maybe he’d break the silence and visit me in my dreams). Suddenly I hear this voice – it sounded like it was coming from the back of my mind and a little more distant than my own inner voice. It sounded exactly like my own inner voice, though, but it made a completely unexpected and rude comment to what I had just “said”! It was (translated from Norwegian) something like: “I don’t give a shit about what you’re doing!”
I was really baffled. Where the hell did that come from?! Was that really a part of me being so rude?
I’ve never experienced suddenly hearing my own inner voice make a completely unexpected comment before.
Did that voice actually come from me?
Was it Loki using my own inner voice for some weird reason? If it was him, why was he so rude and snarky? Have I pissed him off somehow? Or was he just in a bad mood?
I’m not sure what went on there.
A trickster deity like Loki is definitely not easy to deal with. It’s confusing, baffling, puzzling, frustrating.
But he’s also given sensible advice and comfort, and he inspires me to study and think a lot.