For about a decade I’ve sensed “presences”. Two different kinds, to be more exact.
One is a very vague presence I’ve only sensed a few times. It’s faint, and I don’t know if it’s male or female.
This first happened maybe a couple of years after my grandad’s death in 1998. I remember thinking: maybe it’s my granddad watching over me? It’s a comforting thought.
It’s interesting: after — oh, 2000, perhaps – after I had moved to a flat in Adamstua, it’s been very rare for me to feel lonely. Even during the five years where I spent most of the time being unable to work, or even leave the flat due to anxiety problems – almost five years alone in my flat. Yet I’ve only felt lonely during severe bouts of depression.
Sometimes I think I don’t feel lonely because I’m not really completely alone (well, apart from my cat). Whether there really is a presence near me or not, I don’t know, but it’s interesting to ponder.
The other presence, which I’ve felt far more often, I feel just when I’m on the edge between being asleep and being awake. I’m aware that I’m not completely awake yet, and I feel at peace and relaxed.
This is a different experience from one of my normal dreams, which are always like watching movies.
It feels as if there’s someone behind me in my bed; a man, with his front pressed against my back (I usually lie on my side). He has his arm around me. This presence makes me feel safe, even loved. Sometimes he gets a bit gropey, but I don’t mind. ^_^
That’s all there is to this experience, really. It feels very real, and it’s definitely not just a body memory, since I’ve never been held like that.
When Loki appeared in one of my dreams recently, I asked him: “By the way, that male presence I’ve felt in my bed, was that you, by any chance?” He just said something like: “I’ve been nearby for a while”, and got that amused, smug I-know-but-I’m-not-telling expression on his face…